One of the more difficult problems in life is
allowing the behavior of other people to
affect how we judge ourselves. When we feel
rejected by co-workers, family or friends, we
tend to look at ourselves as wrong or
unworthy. The most important thing to know
is that the actions of other people have very
little to do with you.
If a friend is distant, your mom is critical or
your boss gets mad at you, this has
everything to do with what’s going on with
them and very little to do with you (and your
value as a person). They might be having a
bad day, or are caught up in some story going
on in their heads and so on.
So what do you do when you are not feeling
that others value your worth?
(1) Don’t take it personally.
Remember that others’ actions don’t have
anything to do with you and let it go. Tell
yourself that their actions have everything to
do with them.
(2)Feel your emotions .
Emotions arise when you’re triggered by
something outside of you or going on inside of
you—these emotions are our friends. Emotions
are our brain’s method of letting us know that
we aren’t on track to meet our needs. A good
way to calm yourself is to identify the
emotion by name; I’m angry, resentful, hurt
and etc. Just saying what you feel will calm
you down. Then you can look to yourself
rather than to others.
(3) Reaffirm your value.
If you feel yourself doubting your value
because of others’ actions, recognize that you
determine your value. Your value is not
determined by others’ actions or judgments.
Reaffirm that you believe you have great value
—appreciate the things about yourself that are
good and that have value. Be grateful for this.
(4) Adhere to your boundaries.
Know what you will and will not accept, and
don’t allow yourself to be pressured or feel
humiliated. Act in accordance with whom you
are and what you believe. Healthy personal
boundaries and high self-esteem go hand in
hand. Having strong boundaries means that
you prioritize your needs and your emotions
and do not assume responsibility for someone
else’s needs and emotions.
(5) Show compassion.
If a person is rude, irritated, defensive or
afraid, then he or she is in pain. When you’ve
already checked in with yourself and realized
you are good to go, then help the other
person relieve his or her pain. If your help is
not wanted, then that’s OK too. Your worth
isn’t determined by whether someone wants
or uses your help—it’s the fact that you tried
to help that’s a statement of your value.
We can be better friends and co-workers if we
take things less personally, are aware of our
emotions, adhere to our boundaries and are
more compassionate.
A word please !
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